Don't Try This at Home: Cruise Missile on a Chevy Impala

It all got started for Paul Stender when he was reading about a farmer that strapped a missile to the roof of his car and then proceeded to drive it into the side of a mountain.

You all know about the Darwin Awards - it's the annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.

And this year's nominee is:

The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded into the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. the wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. The lab finally figured out what it was and what had happened.

It seems that a guy had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off - actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra 'push' for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. Then he attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!

The facts, as best could be determined, are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the prominent scorched and melted asphalt at that location. The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within five seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 MPH, continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds. The driver, soon to be pilot, most likely would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog-fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, basically causing him to become insignificant for the remainder of the event. However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet, leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.

Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable; however, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.

Luckily according to the Arizona Department of Public Saftey issued a news release that all but debunks the myth, this was still the story that peaked Stender's interest in engineering. Specifically the engineering that permits the fusing of a rocket to a common car. Well not really a common car. While at a Texas air show watching the strong winds lift Port-a-potties into the air he figured that site would be cooler if the toilets had rockets attached to them. His first creation was a drive-able toilet with wheels and everything. He used the urinal as a fuel tank and claims the model wasn't "perfect from a drive perspective."

With his newly gain experience in the field of melding cruise missiles to ordinary object, Stender stepped up his game by upgrading from the toilet to a 1967 Chevy Impala. By using two roll bars he was able to successfully attach the cruise missile to his Chevrolet. He didn't reveal where or how he was able to obtain a cruise missile but the video below will show his imagination in real life. The model is extremely fuel ineffiectient and requires over 10 gallons of fuel per mile but he argues the 30 foot flame shooting from the back of his car make his pain at the pump worth it. He also claims his Impala has the power of 10,000 horses. Take a look at the video below to see the car in action (There may be an ad at the start of the video, it is from AOL and I wasn't able to remove it).